I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The air was thick with penises
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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