To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
