I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
