So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
