I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
