why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I love you.
Bad choice
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