Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
