an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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