I bet he comes in French.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
