Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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