Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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