Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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