I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
