he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
