highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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