Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
