Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
