I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
