Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
