I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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