Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
