for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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