I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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