My room smells like vodka and shame
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
