quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
