Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
