you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What did we do last night that was yellow?
either way he was missing a nipple.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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