I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
