My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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