cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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