two words: eviction party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
