Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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