So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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