The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
