Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
