I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
