there's paper in my vomit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Enjoy the penises
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Will exercising make me less horny?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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