Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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