dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
