I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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