Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
