First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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