saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
