you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
