Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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