dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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