There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
