I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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