this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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