You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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