i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
