when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
