He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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