highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
