Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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