Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
