we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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