i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
