Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
