You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
