im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
