I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
