Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
