Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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