Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
420 ftw
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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