it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
