Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it hurts more in the daytime
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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