i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
