I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
