dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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